I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
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