i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
ttyl tear gas
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
