So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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