remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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