Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Randomize
