And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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