Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
