I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
