So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
