I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
