You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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