Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Boobs are out for the taking
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
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