He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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