I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
