Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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