I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Randomize
