I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
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