so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
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