1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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