And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
