mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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