Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize