she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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