GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
The power of my boobs compel you
Randomize
