I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
