I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize