I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
