So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
