he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
