As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
How does it feel to date your dad?
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
