I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
