make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
