I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
