Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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