Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Randomize
