At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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