Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Randomize
