You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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