Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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