Pants 0. Shit 1.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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