Soap is not a condiment
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
