i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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