They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
When did we convert life to cartoon?
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
