Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
