maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
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