Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
we should paint friendship bongs
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
