god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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