Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
