I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
