Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
