so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Did I show you my penis last night?
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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