u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize