I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
It's never too late to be topless.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Randomize
