You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
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