I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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