I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
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