So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
