If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
