It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
