and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Drake has all the answers
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
