They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize