How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Even my vagina gasped.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
