When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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