Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
