Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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