Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
