That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Is it because I queefed?
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
