just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
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