Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
