So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
