im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
