You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
