I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
