There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
