I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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